It starts out innocently enough. The phone rings and it is the school. They don't say the usual, "Don't worry, she's fine" at the beginning, although their tale of monkey bars and a fat lip doesn't sound too bad. "I checked her teeth.....there are no injuries...." You go on with your day.
You bring your preschooler to pick up your kids. Daughter #2 gets off the bus and you double check her teeth and lip. She seems to be okay other than the fact she's not. She takes her backpack and curls up on the sidewalk saying she doesn't feel well and is tired. You somehow manage to get her to the playground to rest so the preschooler can play for the next 45 minutes while you wait for Daughter #1 and her friend to be done with choir.
The preschooler is tired, you can tell because she is crying a lot and is slow to make good choices. She seems to be coming around until you say it's time to get the girls. She runs back to the swing for just one more belly swing where she promptly and swiftly overshoots the swing and lands on her face.
Run to your daughter and pick her up as blood pours out all over your shirt and coat. Notice her bottom teeth might be a tad bit loose. Pick her up and carry her as fast as you can to the other side of the school to get in the doors. Daughter #2 drags behind trying to keep up while contemplating places to nap on the concrete.You may be shaking but you try not to show it. Have her try to use the drinking fountain. Try not to think about the blood. Try to have her not scream at the top of her lungs. Try to have her calm down as her "I'm gonna throw up!!" echoes through the halls where the kids are finishing choir.
Sit in the office with a frozen sponge as you call dentist. Find out dentist will close before you can get there (remember you have to drive a whole other child who doesn't belong to you home) and they don't open until 11am the next day. Try not to cry or break your phone.
Stand in line to pick up the two girls. Daughter #2 is taking a nap on the floor and can't get up. Your preschooler is still crying hysterically. People are giving your strange and sympathetic looks. Wonder if it has something to do with the blood covering your coat. Watch as the choir room doors finally open. Daughter #1 greets you asking if everything is okay. You realize as she speaks she sounds like she has had a two pack a day habit for the past 25 years.
For those keeping track that is two sick kids and a dental emergency.
Rush all four kids to van. Realize there is nothing fast about two sick kids, a bleeding preschooler, and a curious friend who really wants to know why everything is so bloody.
Get Frosties for dinner. Because.
Everything seems to be going okay until you realize your amazing daughter who is in corner of couch using the wipe-off markers for practicing addition is actually using a Sharpie. Realize also the Sharpie fell....on the beige microfiber couch. Be unable to hide the scream that escapes your lips. Your sick oldest daughter will immediately turn 16 and yell, "I hate our family!" and leave the room. You apologize to daughter and quickly hit up a Facebook group to find out the correct procedure for removing the stain. As you are doing this your middle daughter will begin throwing up. In the kitchen sink. Which doesn't have a garbage disposal.
Find out so far none of the remedies are working. Use a ridiculous amount of towels to remove vomit from kitchen sink without vomiting yourself. While doing this you remember you are supposed to lead your small group tomorrow. So that's not happening. Begin list of schools to call to report absences tomorrow when preschooler comes in shrieking because she her teeth hurt when she tries to eat. Daughter #1 will use this time to inform you that while she was helping the preschooler fix her craft she accidentally poured out about 6 ounces of Elmer's glue on your table cloth.
Text your husband who happens to be out of town that this is your worse parenting day ever and you want to tag out. He will continue to check in on you and encourage you. You will be grateful and start to calm down.
You let the kids stay up with Netflix longer than they should but it gives you 30 minutes of calm before you send them to bed. Curl up in your own bed and peruse the DVR. Realize about 5 minutes later that all the kids will be crawling into bed with you. Turn off TV. Cuddle with girls. Exhale. Start again tomorrow.