Today I'm sharing at the blog of another one of my smart, talented writer friends, Leanne Penny. She writes breathtaking stories on all sorts of things, especially on grief in all of its forms. Head over to her place to learn more about her, and to read the rest of this post.
If you’ve left a church you’ve been part of for a long time, you know the emotions that go with it. And if the circumstances are less than ideal, the pain is even worse. My story centers around the day I walked through new sanctuary doors carrying heartache and sadness.
I was grieving. I was grieving the loss of our time at our old church, the one I had been part of for almost a decade. The relationships changed due to distance. The people who had become my family were now gone. The people I did life with were all a plane ride away.
I was grieving the atmosphere when we left – it was all bittersweet. We had gone through what I can only describe as walking through mud up to my waist. It was painful and exhausting and all I wanted was relief.
Tears were quick to flow in those weeks and months and I couldn’t even tell why – too many emotions coursing through a nine-month pregnant woman.
I walked into the new sanctuary, the one thousands of miles away, with a swollen belly and my head hanging low. We had just moved from the East Coast to the Midwest. I was 37 weeks pregnant and carrying my 18 month old with me. I was tired. My feet hurt. I just wanted to finish unpacking and then curl up on a couch with my family and rest until it was time to have our baby. But I knew that if we didn’t visit a church that week, I’d run the risk of not going back for a very long time. I was so physically tired. I was even more emotionally and spiritually tired. But we went that Sunday morning, hesitantly yet determinedly.
Married for nine years to my best friend, I am the proud mama of three beautiful little girls that God has richly blessed us with. I may sound a bit melancholy, but that's just me working back to the joy. I used to try so hard to keep it all together, but I recently learned it's okay to be broken...that's where you find the beauty.