Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Messy, Tired, Working Love

I should be furiously typing right now. Lucy is asleep so here is my chance, but the words aren't coming out as I would like them to. They drip slowly off of my fingertips like molasses and are sticky and difficult to rearrange.

The house is a mess. This is a rough week for my poor husband. He has three nights of class and one late night of work. So I am alone with the kids. And for whatever reason, I have a difficult time mustering the energy to clean it as well as I should when he's not around - I am too focused on getting the necessities taken care of. He never complains. I try to clean up the things will be in his path at 10 pm when the kids are in bed and he is home from class but I don't always get to it. He tells me he doesn't see it and smiles as I welcome him home.

Her smile lights my heart on fire, even as she constantly crawls in our bed at night, holding my face in her hands. I know she thinks this is her chance at alone time, and isn't this why we bought the King sized bed anyway? So we move over and her body instantly relaxes and I can hear her breath enter and leave her little three year old body throughout the night as she sleeps next to us. 



Photo Credit: http://thiscannotbemylife.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/love.jpg

Fifteen years ago....Ten years ago....my ideas of love have evolved, shifted, changed with necessity.

Ten years ago love was a dozen roses and a diamond pendant. Valentine's day was dressing up, a meticulously planned sequence of events, and fluttering hearts. It was breathless, exciting, passionate. Today it is the grace of the hardest working man I know and a blind eye and quiet tongue. It's rolling over, even though I want this time to ourselves. It's trying to remember where I put those cards for the kids and hoping I remember to give it to them in the morning. 

Love used to be so easy to spot and shined bright.

Now it is a messy, tired, working love.  It's forgiveness. It's pardon. It's grace. It's another day.



Ten years ago a full devotional life was hours spent reading and studying and praying. Today it is a passage from Common Prayer or Jesus Calling, a Psalm, and exhaled prayers throughout the day.

Ten years ago Lent was something Catholics did and McDonald's promoted to sell their fish sandwiches. Today I rest deep in the knowledge that I am broken and battered, knowing my redemption draws nigh.


******

I refuse to believe the lie that the past is better than the present. The love I have for my husband is stronger and deeper than it was then. Adding these girls to our family has made my heart grow and explode and be pieced back together again. And while some could look down on my time with God, I know His presence in a deeper way than before and feel Him with me, for it's only through Him I have the strength to wash another dish or change another diaper.

So here's to the messy, tired, working love. I stand here on my mountain top to shout to the world what our love looks like. I think it's the best kind.




On Thursdays we gather together to celebrate redemption. I'm so grateful to be part of this team. Want to join and sing out your song?


  • Link up a post (old or new) that relates to this week's prompt: LOVE
  • Put the "Imperfect Prose" button at the bottom of your post, so others can find their way there
  • Read each other's posts and encourage them






24 comments:

  1. As a childless single person not totally knowing what to expect someday, I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you. :)

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  2. this is really beautiful. as a new momma learning this new kind of love, this spoke deep into my heart.

    blessed to be visiting you from dear emily's place today.



    http://dramaticelegance.blogspot.com

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  3. Awwwh. What a wonderful husband and three beautiful girls you have. And what lucky souls to have you as their momma. Happy day of love. Be sure to give some to yourself!

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  4. Thank you for sharing this Brenna. After a long day with a sick two year, I feel your heart:) You write so beautifully.

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  5. Love the way you see how things have changed, finding gratitude in the past and the present. We're just broken people trying to make our way through the messy living room and dirty dishes. Bless you Brenna, may you sleep well and wake up to joy in the morning.

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  6. beautifully expressed... i love your writing!

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  7. Love does evolve, and it does get deeper. Thanks for this piece.

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  8. This made my eyes well up. I'm in the middle of messy, tired, working love, too. May God bless and help us all to make beautiful memories during this season so that we'll look back with no regrets.

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  9. I have a three year old who finds room in our bed, too. Waits until I'm too tired to take her back. Keep on in your messy working love, dear! You're beautiful.

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  10. Love certainly does evolve ... and adapt! After the end of a long, normal day, this Valentine's evening was spent playing a mean game of Sorry! with my husband and two girls. I wouldn't have changed it for anything!!

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  11. Gina @ Holding the DistaffFebruary 15, 2013 at 4:41 PM

    Oh...how Valentine's Day has evolved, for sure! For us it was so special enjoying it as a family this year -- low-key, being in each others' presence.



    www.holdingthedistaff.blogspot.com

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  12. Today it is the grace of the hardest working man I know and a blind eye and quiet tongue.


    oh Brenna. this is the pure stuff, isn't it? the good stuff. the real. a beautiful, tender post friend. and i love the photo with the girls :)

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  13. Right?! There will be time for the "fancy" again someday, I'm sure, but for now, I am quite content with our chaotic family!

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  14. Thanks! Right back atcha!

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  15. I think of all my single days, wanting someone to spend Valentine's Day with and longing for a family.....I can't complain now! So blessed.

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  16. Much love to you, beautiful friend!

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  17. Hope you have found some rest and peace and that the sickness is over (it can go on forever sometimes, huh)

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  18. Thank you for that blessing. I did wake up to joy, so thank you.

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  19. Thanks for reading!

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  20. May you feel peace and rest in the midst of your messy, tired, working love.

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  21. Thank you so much, Rachel, for stopping by. So glad to "meet" you through Emily!

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  22. Don't let it scare you! :)

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