Monday, February 4, 2013

Learning to Soar

I lived in Southeastern Connecticut for around ten years, and one of my favorite places to visit on a warm Saturday afternoon in Spring was Harkness Park. It is this amazing park and botanical garden located along Long Island Sound. There is a beautiful mansion, a beach, and some of the softest, greenest grass I have ever seen (or so my memory tells me). 

But the image that always sticks out to me is that of kites soaring in the air. I could lounge in that grass, looking up at blue sky and watch those kites effortlessly whirl through the air. I knew that to get the kite up in the air took work and planning, not to mention a bit of good fortune, but once it was in the air, none of that mattered. I was mesmerized as I watched them dance and leap and glide.


I walked into January determined to leave behind patterns and fears that held me back and to attempt to soar. And you know, it was a great month. Truly. I made some BIG decisions and had some hard conversations and already I am feeling lighter. 

In the period of one week I celebrated my six month anniversary of blogging, found out an essay I submitted for a book was accepted,  wrote two guest posts, and had one of them listed in someone's "best of" for the week and nearly exploded from all the goodness. And all of the sudden I realized I had doubled my blog's subscribers and I added a bunch of new followers on Twitter.

And then? Paralysis.

Yup. I froze. I managed to write something on Wednesday of last week, but since then I have been in absolute panic mode. And I don't like it. This isn't soaring. This isn't choosing to be brave. This is allowing the good gifts to become burdens and that isn't how I should live. 

I type this all out, not as some strange, self-deprecating humble brag. I write this because this is how I ended the month. And I really am so excited, so energized, so hopeful. I need to walk that out, live it out, write it out. 

I can't worry about what words come out this month and what people think of them. I can only wake up each morning, grateful for whatever gifts I may be given and thank God for another chance to step out and soar.

So I'm keeping my kite in the air and seeing where the wind takes it. I'm going to let it dance in the blue sky and be warmed from the sun. And I'm going to love every beautiful minute of it.

February? I'm coming for you, so look out!

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  1. Brenna, congratulations on all the goodness that has blessed you in January. I can relate all too well to the paralysis. Living up to that imaginary self-imposed standard or expectation can feel like a crushing weight. I'm happy to hear you are starting to feel your limbs again:) You may need another one of my patented, time-tested, Tammygrrrl pep talks. Let's do this thing!

  2. "This is allowing the good gifts to become burdens and that isn't how I should live." This is so weird and so counter-intuitive, and yet I know from my own experience, so true! Congratulations on all your exciting news this month, and remember: They are good gifts. They are good gifts. They are good gifts.

    Rejoicing with you, friend!

  3. I have definitely experienced this before! It happens to me when I start to think I'm somehow responsible for the good things in my life, so I have to "keep it up" ("it" being the work, the cleverness, whatever) if I want the goodness to continue. And just as you said, this shift is a matter of "...allowing the good gifts to become burdens and that isn't how I should live."

    You've already realized all of this, which is why you're well on your way, soaring into February! I'm so grateful we can learn and travel together, friend!

  4. Yes, Pep talk in order!

  5. You are such an encourager! So grateful for you!!!!

  6. Thank you for pulling us all together!