I read in some class that not knowing who you are as a person is a sign of mental instability - what a scary thought. That idea has always haunted me. Who am I really? Are the things I like and identify with truly part of my identity? If I would change my mind on what style of clothing I like, or the way I wanted the house decorated, or what kind of music I was into at the time, I would worry that there was something wrong with me. Let's not even consider the big "what am I going to do with the rest of my life" question.
Even now, I wonder if I really know myself. There's a cheesy line in a tourism commercial that says we are most ourselves when we are somewhere new. Given that we recently moved somewhere where we are unknown, I began to think that there may be a little truth to that. A couple weeks ago I was sitting in worship service and the following thought came to me...
Looking back over my life the times I am NOT myself are the times I am not fully surrendered. Only when I allow Christ to fully use me and truly control me do I feel myself. Perhaps I should have figured this out before, but it just struck me today as I took communion. I often feel as if I am lacking self-confidence, but I don't need self- confidence, I need God-confidence - the knowledge that God is guiding our steps and shining His love through us.
So who am I? What is my place in community? I need to find out.